Thursday, April 14, 2005

well.. my guilt galore has been touched by this.
oh well. read. dig through my conscience.

Dear jackie,

I have to apologize for the VERY late reply..i was in batangas where I took some time to just unwind which actually meant catching up on my sleep for most of the days..really sorry about that…anyways here is the reply I promised you.

Reading your letter was a very emotional experience to say the least. I had mixed emotions actually, that’s why I tried to send you some txt mssges almost right after reading it. I felt I needed to reassure you that my faith in you is still there…and WILL always be there. I still think of you as one my best students and that has never changed.

My tears that day didn’t totally stem from my disappointment in you. I guess in a way I was also asking myself if I was able to help you, guide you when I had the chance to do so. I asked myself if I failed in watching over you to make sure that your decisions are guided….i feel partly accountable for that. But jackie, if there is one lesson I hope I have left flaming in your heart, it is the capacity to forgive oneself and rise above the mistakes we make, no matter how difficult.

Be humble and let life’s lessons teach you that we are far from perfect. Take everything with a grain of salt, so they say. But let me add…”..and with loads of faith”. We are bound to carry all kinds of crosses in this lifetime and if any, they are supposed to make us see and understand the magnificence and significance of the resurrection. There is LIFE after each suffering. (ok..i know it sounds like a CLE lecture

At this point, deciding to leave the school is an option that you have but can I ask you to please think about this twice,,,thrice…100 times? Running away from the shadow of the past isnt going to solve it…you know the best way to get rid of the shadow? FACE IT. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Some people have done worse and there are many who are going through more difficult and stressful times. I can see that youre having a hard time accepting your mistake. Be brave and think farther ahead. Life doesn’t end with high school. You may have spoiled your chances at graduating with honors or even heading the committee you have worked so hard for, but those things do not measure the kind of person you have become. I feel that whatever achievements you dream of achieving had things not gone wrong, lack in value for the lessons you have learned from this experience. Now you know better…understand more….you have grown. You might say, for such a high price…and id say YES…one man paid the price with his own life….just so we can understand what he has been teaching us about life and love.

My prayers are with you…and your family. But pls say a prayer for your parents too. I know that they also need it. Pray for your friends…I know I have no right to ask you to give up your friendship with these boys…but believe me, staying away from them for now will do you much good…its one sacrifice I hope you wont deny yourself and your family. So for now, don’t fan the embers by associating with them so soon. Give it time. Learn to wait. In the meantime, give yourself time to heal…everything will be ok, believe me.

I can make one promise…and that is, that I will be here if you need me…if you need someone to talk to…txt me…or write me…call me if u want ...u know where I am

Take care my dear….remember…”like all things…this too shall pass”…I love u.

Love,
Ms grace

*blink*
3:12 PM ++

Thursday, April 07, 2005

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. jackie
2. jaxx
3. ja-ie

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. keilantra
2. tipsy0mystique
3. princess_jackie

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. achiever
2. athletic
3. adventurous

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. too emotional
2. immature
3. figure? haha.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. being alone in the dark
2. scary movies
3. MMDA. haha!

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. internet
2. excercise
3. music

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. pjs
2. diamond earrings
3. topaz necklace

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)):
1. armor for sleep
2. mayonnaise
3. 311

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. jopay-mayonnaise
2. love song- 311
3. prom- sugar free

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. go out of the country by myself
2. pass entrance exams for college
3. go to another school for senior year

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. respect
2. trust
3. honesty

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. i'm numb2
. i'm sick
3. i'm happy

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. eyes
2. smile
3. character

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. lose weight.
2. accept im fat.
3. stop eating.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. going to the gym
2. eating
3. web designing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. go to the gym
2. drive. i miss my car.
3. lose weight. haha.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. medicine
2. modelling (yeah. haha.)
3. advertising

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. europe.. explore.
2. carribean cruise... experience
3. new york... routine

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. dakota
2. lindsay
3. jasmine

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. model
2. sing (majorly huge concert.) haha.
3. tell everyone how i feel about them.

*blink*
12:04 AM ++

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

GOT 16:

INSTRUCTION: YES or NO lang. WalangDEPENDE. Lagyan mo na rin kung bakit. okay?!
~~ A. NAGAWA mo na bang.. ~~
1. Maglakad sa kalye khit d ka pa nagsusuklay athihilamos sa umaga?~oo naman. umaalis pa nga eh. haha!
2. Tumawid sa baha ng Espana?~di pa..
3. Maligo sa ulan na walang bra/brief?- oo.. naka-swimsuit ako. haha!
4. Tumawid sa no jaywalking zone?- always. haha! tamad akong maglakad
5. Magdial ng mga number sa telepono ng mgataong d mo kilala?~ oo. haha! tsss..
6. Maglagay ng thumbtacks sa upuan ng teachermo?~ nope..
7. Magsulat sa pader ng school?~ oo! dami nanamang vandals eh..umepal ka na rin!
8. Magsulat sa puno?~ can't remember.. guess not.
9. Umakyat sa bakod ng school?~ oo.. madalas akong sumabit..:p haha!
10. Magpanggap na ibang tao sa telepono?~ oo naman.. pero di ko kaya..:p hehe!
11. Isumbong ang kaklase mong pinakopya mo nanataasan ka pa?~ nope.. haha! kapal ko naman..
12. Halikan ang crush mo habang tulog?~ hmm.. nope!
13. Awayin ang school guard nyo?~ndi.. bespren ko un eh! hahah!..
~~ B. KAYA mo bang.. ~~
1. Mag shop lift?~ super small stuff lang. haha!
2. Pindutin ung fire alarm sa bldg nio?~ nope.. eckkk..
3. Tapikin sa balikat ung priest sa simbahan?~ nah..
4. Patayin ung speaker o ung microphone ngteacher mo?~ unintentional.
5. Matulog ng walang damit sa ibang bahay?~nope. haha!
6. Dayain ang grades mo?~ sa mga homework
7. Magbihis sa harap ng mga tao.~ oo naman! haha!=))
8. Itago ang phone ng kaibigan mo?'~ siyemps..:p
9. Mag pretend na galit sa friend mo?~ madaLas.:P
10. Manutok ng baril?~ wala akong baril eh. hiram muna..:P
~~ C. BINALAK mo na bang? ~~
1. Makipag live in sa bf/gf ng best friend mo?~ nope.
2. Makipag date sa crush ng bestfriend mo?~ hah:)) oo!
3. Mang agaw ng bf/gf ng may bf/gf?~ siyemp.:p
4. Magtulak ng drugs?~ haha:))
5. Mag utos ng tao para pumatay?~ pwede ka ba?
6. Magpanggap na patay ka na?~ di kaya eh.. haha!
7. Mangolekta ng limos sa kalsada?~ ma-try nga mamaya..:p
9. Maglagay ng patay na ipis sa upuan ng kaawaymo?~ ipis? bahala ka!
10. Magpadala ng death threat?~ ba yan. kaw kaya patayin ko?
~~ FINISH ~~
Bilangin mo ung yes mong sagot then ilagay mo satitle ng message na ito, kapag 15 pataas ung yesmo, WELCOME TO THE CLUB ng mga taongmalalakas magtrip!!!
15+ Hayop ka, lahat nalang ng trip sa buhayginawa mo na.. ewan ko ba, siguro meron pa jangmas grabe na ginawa mo!! YOU'RE IN!!!
14 to 11 - malapit lapit ka na... konting lakas nalang ng loob!! YOU'RE OUT!
10 - 7 - moody kang tao. wala lang. bastamaisipan mo yun na..
6 - below - BORING KANG KASAMA

*blink*
12:06 PM ++

1. are u serious wen it comes torelationships?-> i'll tell you. if i have one.
2. are you afraid of commitments?-> yeah.
3. are u a risk taker?-> u-huh.
4. wat can u say abt long distancerelationships?-> it has its own ups and downs. pero if you come to think of it.. it isn't good for the welfare of your relationship.
5. can u luv a person hu doesnt love u?-> yeah. maybe that's why i love him/her. haha.
6. do actions speak louder than words?-> of course they do.
7. hav u felt/found true love?-> family, friends.. hell yeah. lifetime partner... no. not yet.
8. how can u say that a person luvs you?-> when they make you feel special, he/she is always there for you, and they're not ashamed of what they feel and they'll be ready to stand up fo it.
9. are you good in handlingrelationships?-> no.. i don't think so.
10. willing to give everything?-> nope. not right now.
11. best thing uve learned from loving?-> loving is giving someone the power to hurt you, but trusting them not to.
12. do u demand ur luv1 to change intosomething he/she is not?-> nope. ima love him for whatever he is. that way, the relationship could last.
13. wud u let go of some1 u love?-> why? if its good enough.. if he wants it that way.. hell yeah.
14. are u a one woman/man & vice versatype of person?-> no. haha. i don't think so.. (oh yeah.. many can testify to that.)
15. Is sex important in a relationship?-> relationship as husband and wife.. but as girlfriend, boyfriend.. yeah.. its important that you DONT.
16. how do u express ur luv to sm1?-> it prevails on its own way.
17. wat is the major reason of a break up?-> miscommunications, misunderstanding, jeaousy, many factors really.
18.most important ingredient in arelationship?-> love, trust, understanding
19.ever regret loving someone?-> yeah.
20. one thing u hate abt lov?-> the possibility of getting hurt, and hurting the person you love.
21. one thing u like about love?-> someone making you feel special.. and of course having someone complete your life..
22.worst thing u did to a love one?-> break their trust.
23. are you in love?-> no.
24. with whom?-> n/a
25. do u have a bf/gf?-> none.
26. why?-> i'm not ready for a commitment yet.
27. are you a hopeless romantic?-> yeah. hahah. HOPELESS.
28. do you get tired of loving?-> yeah. but.. i guess that isn't loving at all eh?
29. who has changed your view aboutloving?--> everyone whom i have loved and hurt.
30. message to your lovED one?--> to everyone: THANK YOU.
31. Message for all the lovers?-> you'll never miss the water till' its gone.
32. message para sa mga PDA?? (e.g.kiss sa public place)--> get a room. haha!

*blink*
11:56 AM ++

Monday, March 28, 2005

ok.. so.. i can say.. now.. im.. happy?
well.. i really don't know.. just NUMB i guess..

well.. not in the mood.
aloha.

*blink*
7:24 PM ++

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

yes yes.. life's a bitch for short. we've made choices that makes us go the wrong way.. but tis too what makes life worth living.. all those shortcuts, longcuts, hard or easy.. all those give thrills to our lives..

but.. i've come to think of this.. are those REALLY WORTH doing? i feel as if i've wasted my life. i became so inconsiderate, that even myself, i have disregarded of providing a bright future.but.. whatever i did.. i cannot re-do. i can just redeem myself of it. i can just make up for it. and i can never ever run away from it.

and i symphatize with your whole world being dark.. i know just how dark it could be. i know how it freaking hurts to know that you have let go of something you were so sure of. i know how it bleeds.

just got pieces of advice for you.
*be true to yourself
*follow your heart when in doubt
*don't ever let go of your beliefs.. stick to it*think of the long term consequences in making decisions
*never go with someone you don't have trust on
*when you have fallen, there's nothing to fall down on more.. there's no where to go but up
*we're young. we can make up for our past mistakes.
*cry if you must.. don't keep it in.
*everyone's a bitch. you just have to put it in the right place.

and that..

*i love you gurl. i'll always be here for you.. it's the toughest of times when you get to know your real friends..

i'm here. going through that. it pains to know that i am. but that's life. i've been fighting it.. so i hope that you too.. will be as well seeking through that adventure..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this is a post a left at kat's blog..

it keeps me thinking of how things could've been.
regret & guilt has long been plaguing my consciencce.
here's a lil flow chart.

*3 tests
*can't study
*hanged w. -----------
*ah..tactless decisions.
*ma-chika maids and moms.
*reached my dad
*fudge mahn
*may reach __
*eventually did.
*confessed
*knew that it eventually happened.
*got -----,--,--
*didn't get -----
*now.. grades?

LIFE'S A BIATCH.

*blink*
6:27 PM ++

Sunday, March 06, 2005

you've been my friend, my brother.. and i hoped to be your lover. but never did that came.. coz tears hindered our way. bye.

*blink*
1:46 PM ++

i hate you.
know who you are.
you said you'll come.
i waited for you.
you never came.

last night: 10% :) 90% :(

*blink*
1:34 PM ++

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

another dreaded day for me.
:((

bakit ganon?
why am i just always down the drain?
i know when im at school im always jumpy and stuff
(specially when im with jilli because of you know who)
but.. wala.. deep inside.. im sad. depressed. and i dont know why

ive been trying to find ways to make myself happy
even just being satisfied..
but no.. there's no cure in it.
its cancer. aids even.

hahaha
so this morning ACQUA campaigned during our morn talk..
go acqua:D

filipino- discussion about "pag-iisa"
-->ok.. hahaha.. realization: masaya ako maglakad papuntang classroom mag-isa.
dun lang. ay di pala.. minsan, madalas pwede din.. masayang umiyak. wahaha.
malabo.. but... i know you get me :D

music- composition of jam sessions
-->jam sessions? wtf.. still got a 10.. wohoohh!!

chem-
-->tiltration lesson.. quite easy..

recess- med-den meeting
-->got.. m's pics!:D

algeb
--> test tom. fuck. oh well.. pray for me..:D

english- reporting
-->dont even mention his name.

health
-->doing algeb hw.. hahahahaha... discussion about stress..
there's eustress pala.. kind of stress that makes you feel happy..

lunch- dance practice
--> w/c i ended up not coming. wahahaha. ako pah!

geom- absent: sir mitra
-->woohoo! rest time!

ap & ak- public school teaching
-->one girl was such a biatch. well anyway.. i made the lessonplan.. so me and arev just talked away!

ss/rr- comp. proj
-->realization: im fat.

hahahahaha..

departure; kwentuhan galore with kat and ayet..
grabe..

realization:
I MISS HIM.

that's it for now..
aloha.

*blink*
7:46 PM ++